Kissing Lessons
by Neo the Saiyan angel
Summary: A collection of stories involving different characters in the KPverse learning how to kiss and love from family members, friends, and others. Go ahead and beat me with sticks for these.
1. Drakken

"Dude, seriously?"

"Seriously."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously!"

"…seriously?"

" SERIOUSLY! Now will you PLEASE stop saying that!" Drakken yelled at his younger cousin.

"Saying what?"

"Seriously."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously! Knock it off!"

Motor Ed sat quietly at the table in Drakken's lair, looking at the cup of cocoa-moo his cousin had fixed for him. He gave Drakken the occasional glance and opened his mouth a few times, just to close it again a second later. Drakken, on the other hand, kept tapping his fingers on the table to a bland tune, a constipated expression plastered on his face and his body slouching in the high-backed chair that he sat in. Eventually, the quiet tapping of Drakken's fingers compelled Ed to break the uneasy silence.

"You've never…you've never…uh…"

"Kissed anyone? No, I haven't," Drakken said as he took his hand off of the table and started to rub his temples. He took a quick glance at his cousin and started to get angry. "You're acting like I just told you wrestling is fake or something. It's not _that_ weird."

"Dude, you're what, 40? And you've never even kissed anyone?" Ed asked.

"Well, I've been kissed, but I haven't kissed anyone myself. When you say it like _that_, it sounds bad."

"Sad is more like it, cuz. How do you expect to get the green babe to like you if you can't even lock lips properly?"

"Who said that I wanted Shego?" Drakken said defensively. A ring of petals popped up around Drakken's neck.

"Dude, your killer plants totally betray you. Seriously, you need to get some practice…" Suddenly, Ed's face brightened and a smile started to work its way to his mouth. "…or a tutor."

"A tutor?" Drakken asked, tearing the petals off of his neck. "On kissing? You have GOT to be joking me. Who in the world would do that?"

Ed jabbed a thumb into his chest. Drakken stared for a second, then let out a small groan.

"Drew, I'm the master at kissing the chicks. Seriously, all you have to do is follow my example and the babes will be lining up for a smooch. Now here, let me show you." Motor Ed jumped out of his chair and walked over to his blue cousin.

"Ed, is this really necessary?" Drakken asked, edging toward the other side of his chair as Ed reached his arm out toward Drew.

"Yeah, Drew, it is! Seriously! You're my favorite cuz, and I want to make sure that you can work it with the ladies. Now, come here," Ed said. His hand closed on Drakken's arm and Ed pulled his cousin out of his chair. Ed led him to the middle of the room and grabbed both of his wrists.

"Ed, what are you-" Drakken started, but was cut off when Ed forced Drakken's hands on him, the left hand on his upper back and his right hand behind Ed's neck.

"Now seriously, cuz, this is how it's done. Just sweep a gal off her feet-" Ed grabbed Drakken around his lower back and neck and bent Drakken backwards, forcing him off of his feet, quickly said, "and lay it on her.", and bent his head down to kiss his cousin full on the lips. At just the wrong possible moment, when Ed was showing Drakken how to get his hands in on the action, the sliding metal door for the room opened and in stepped the green babe herself. She looked at the scene before her, her eyes going from the master of mechanics with a mullet to her megalomaniacal blue skinned boss in the lab coat to Ed's hands, which were in compromising positions on Drakken's body, and raised an eyebrow.

"I'm guessing there's a _real_ funny story behind this, huh, Doc?" Shego asked her blue boss. Drakken let out a small, muffled yelp as the ring of petals grew back around his neck.

* * *

**Author's Notes:**

You can all thank Mr. IT (Captain IT) for the inspiration for this story. One of the short one-shots in the collection, and another one of my attempts at humor. Go ahead with the beating stick, I once again deserve it.


	2. Ron Stoppable

Ron was a little nervous

Okay, maybe 'a little' wasn't strong enough. He was horribly nervous. He had never kissed anyone before. He'd only been on a few dates. None of them had ever had a kiss involved in any sort of way. If he ever managed to get another date, one that would let him kiss her, he wanted to be able to wow her with the most wonderful kiss she had ever gotten. However, to be able to do that, he would need practice. He had tried to use a potato, but found it to be a poor practice partner. It couldn't tell him anything or show him anything that he could do to improve his technique, and his urge to eat it had caused the loss of three of his practice taters. After a lot of thinking, he eventually decided to ask one of his best friends for help. A bit of convincing and bribing later, he was now being taught the art of kissing.

Ron licked his lips as his friend put on a thin layer of lipstick. This would be his very first kiss. Of course, no romance was involved, but in this case, it would have felt wrong if there was any. He'd know this person for a good chunk of his life. It was impossible to imagine anything like that. At all. Besides, the very thought of it would be beyond sick and wrong.

His friend whistled to him and wagged their finger. This was soon followed by lip puckering, which got both of them going into fits of giggles.

"Are you sure you're willing to do this? I would understand if you didn't. It's a bit wrong-sick," Ron said with a slight tremor in his voice. He wasn't sure if it was the giggle fit that he had just had or if it was his nerves showing. After his friend gave a little nod, Ron lowered his head down to let mouth meet his friend's lips…

Several hours later, Mr. Stoppable was driving Ron back from the hospital while Ron's mother sat in the front passenger seat. A two-inch bloody gash went through Ron's lower lip, and was stitched together with surgical proficiency. Ron gingerly ran a finger over the cut, and winced a little.

"That was quite the cut, Ronald. You are just lucky that Anne was able to find some time in her schedule to fix it. Four stitches from a razor cut is not a light matter. It could have been much worse. Practicing shaving is something that should be done with supervision," his father lectured.

"Your father is right. You could have really hurt yourself. And that cut is no small wound. Right before our trip, too," Mrs. Stoppable said.

"Trip? What trip?" Ron said, his fingers stopping halfway to touching his wound.

"We're going on a short vacation this summer, starting now," His mother replied.

"When were you going to tell me?!"

"This IS our way of telling you," Mr. Stoppable said. "If you want, we can get some nachos on our way out of town."

"A-booyah! Hey, Rufus, didja hear that?" Ron said as he turned his head to his pant pocket.

"Hoo boy! Cheese!" Rufus cried as he popped out of Ron's pocket.

"We already have your bags in the trunk, so we can just-" Ron's mother started, stopping when she laid her eyes on Rufus. "Ronald, what's wrong with Rufus? Is that…lipstick?" Ron took a quick glance at Rufus, and saw the red halo that was around Rufus's mouth.

"Uh…yeah. I guess Rufus got hungry while we were waiting in the hospital and got into your purse. Hehe…" Ron said, a faint red coming to his face. Rufus gave a small, guilty chuckle and furiously wiped the lipstick off of his mouth. Mrs. Stoppable's mouth became a thin line and she looked thoroughly unamused by Rufus's antics. However, she just shrugged and turned back around.

"Hey, Rufus, don't worry, buddy. I'll make sure to ask for grande size with extra cheese, just like I promised," Ron whispered to his naked mole rat. "Just, uh…watch what you do with your teeth, okay?"

Rufus gave a tiny glare and grumbled a bit. He crossed his arms and turned his back to Ron.

"Okay! I'll let you have some of my naco, too." This bit of news cheered Rufus up a bit, and he climbed up onto Ron's shoulder and gave him a little hug.

* * *

**Author's Notes:**

I was going to post all of them at once, but I decided to post them one at a time to see how wrong-sick I can go without creeping people out too much. I want to make sure it's not getting too weird. I would appreciate some input telling me whether I'm next to the line between 'wrong-sick' and 'just plain wrong'.

You can thank Pharaoh Rutin Tutin and MaceEcam for this story, and can continue to thank Captain IT for the original idea.


	3. SSS

Bonnie and Junior had just returned from their trip to Rio that celebrated the fact that they were thinking of maybe getting engaged. The sight that met them when they got back to the Senior's family home greatly surprised them both. The floor of the mansion's main area was covered in photographs, some of them on a beach with people partying, others of old style buildings. It looked like most of them had been taken several decades ago.

"Eww. Why are there pictures of so many fashion don'ts laying around?"

"I am not sure, my love. Perhaps Father is planning on adopting some poor person?"

Bonnie picked up one of the pictures and examined the people closely. She let out a gasp and glared at Junior.

"Is this some sort of lame joke, you jerk?" she yelled, taking a menacing step toward her boyfriend.

"I do not understand. Why are you angry with me?" Junior said, complete confusion etched on his features.

"Look! You're totally cheating on me!" She threw one of the pictures at Junior, who caught it with his elbow. He brought it up to his face and his expression somehow became even more befuddled.

"This is very odd. I do not remember this party. I probably did not want to remember those hideous outfits and horrible haircuts."

"Of course you would not remember the parties in those pictures, Junior," a voice said from the stairway. "Some of those were taken before you were even born." Junior and Bonnie looked up to see Señor Senior, Senior descending the stairs with a small smirk on his face and a computer cord in his hand.

"Why is Junior in these pictures then?" Bonnie said, roughly grabbing the picture from Junior's grasp and thrusting it in Senior's face. Senior took the picture and examined it for a second, then began to chuckle. "What's so funny?"

"My dear, that is not Junior. That is me, from my youth." He pointed to who looked like Junior dressed in a Hawaiian shirt and khaki shorts hugging a petite woman with short, black hair wearing a mini skirt and a tube top. "I was quite the…how do you say…beach boy when I was younger."

"Wait. So Junior's going to end up looking like _you_ when he gets old?" Bonnie said. She visibly shuddered.

"I am not understanding this, father. Why are there all of these moldy pictures in places where people can clearly see?" Junior said, edging away from the pictures as if he might catch the bad hairdos.

"Junior, I am an old man. These pictures are all that I have to remember my early days, before I made my fortune. And I want to make sure to preserve them for future musings. So I was going to scan them onto the lair's computer." He took the cord and plugged it in to the computer. He then plugged the other end into a scanner and turned it on.

"Wait. You mean…you were not always rich?" Junior said stupidly.

"Of course not, Junior. I had to earn it. And I have her to thank," his father replied, stroking a finger over the lady that he was hugging in the picture. "If I had never met her, I do not think I would have had the courage to start trying to make something of myself."

"Is that Junior's mother?" Bonnie asked.

"No. I did not meet Junior's mother until after I had earned my first million. My relationship with this wonderful woman occurred a little over 40 years ago. This woman, she made me feel like I was more than what my looks made me. She loved me for me, and she was my first everything."

"What do you mean 'first everything'? Like what, your first friend or something?" Bonnie said.

"She was my first kiss, my first confessor, my first lover-"

"Ew! Gross! I don't need to hear about old people on the beach. That's just SO wrong," Bonnie said, covering her ears and squinting her eyes in an attempt to erase the mental image.

"That was quite rude, young lady. Do not interrupt me again," Senior said with a frown, the grip on his cane having increased to the point of his knuckles turning white. Bonnie quieted down, but the glare that seemed to be a permanent feature on her face intensified. "As I was saying, she was my first everything. She taught me the fine art of love, a lesson that I hold dear to my heart. That was the best time of my life, and the most productive. I went from being a brainless jerk to someone with passion, ideas, and drive. I only wish that I could see her again." He sighed as a mist came over his eyes. Bonnie was obviously trying to hold back a gag and Junior still looked confused. "She was so beautiful. I was a fool to have let her go. I sometimes wonder what she is doing now."

"Probably being all wrinkly and old," Bonnie muttered under her breath.

A few thousand miles away, an old woman with a large pile of red hair sneezed.

"Mother, are you all right?" a familiar blue man asked her.

"Oh, yes, Drewbie, I'm just fine. Now then, how is your relationship with that cute little girlfriend of yours going?"

* * *

**Author's Notes:**

This isn't so much a lesson taught as it is a lesson learned. SSS was a good student and that woman taught him well. Lol

The same song and dance, with beating sticks applied liberally to my head with no mercy, though I would appreciate reviews before you do. This isn't really keeping with the main idea, but a bit of variation now and then isn't too bad, is it? ...why are you holding those sticks like that?

The sneezing thing? If I remember correctly (and yell at me if I don't), it's a Japanese superstition that means that someone is talking about you behind your back. That's what I was going for.


	4. Monique

"…and then they said that it was _expired_. Now, you would think that if milk was at that price, it would last a bit longer than the expiration date, but noooo…"

"Ya-huh. Sure, sir. Now, are you gonna buy the socks or not?"

"…then they said, 'You need to get Brand D, not Brand B.'. Brand B is cheaper than Brand D, but I know a secret: they're the exact same. It makes no sense to spend more on something that works the exact same. Don't you agree? Well, of _course_ you agree. Anyway…"

Monique was getting very frustrated. This man had run in here on some sort of emergency sock run for his mother and for the past 15 minutes, he had done nothing but talk and talk and talk. Did she mention talk? Because that's what he had been doing. The entire time. He didn't even stop to take a breath. Did he not have a need for oxygen? Was he some sort of plant? _'Maybe he has some sort of power to turn people into plants,' _she thought lazily. _'I'm certainly starting to veg out.'_

Normally, she would have called security in the first five minutes. However, as frustrated as he was making her, she had realized that he was probably going to be her only customer all day. It was Christmas Eve, and management had needed someone to come in for the day. The time was reduced to only half the day and she was getting extra pay, but that was still several hours of sitting in the store doing nothing. This was one of the few stores that were open now, and most people had already bought their gifts for the following day.

She would have been with her family if her now ex-boyfriend hadn't insisted on her spending Christmas with him. So she had let her family fly down to Texas without her so she could spend some BFMT (boyfriend-Monique time) with him. However, she had found out two days ago that he had been cheating on her. She immediately went and broke up with him. Lots of arguing later, along with several false claims on her part, she left. With nothing to do, she had decided to just go ahead and sign up for some extra hours.

If she had known that she would get a customer like this, though, she probably would have just stuck herself to the bottom of a plane with glue or something and hoped for the best.

This guy didn't seem to have a clue. He was a middle aged average Joe with thick eyebrows and hairy arms. The worst thing, though, was his fashion sense. The clothes he wore made Monique wonder if he was homeless. They were the cheapest things she had ever seen in her entire life. Her finely honed fashion meter also noted that the shirt did not match the pants, which looked to be made out of a blanket, and the socks were an absolutely horrendous shade of puke green that wouldn't look good on anything living, dying, dead, or inanimate.

"…and then when I was 8, I-"

"Okay, COG, you need to give me the money so I can-" She stopped mid-sentence when she heard the 'ding' that indicated someone had entered the store. She glanced over the man's shoulder and saw none other than her ex-boyfriend, who immediately spotted her and walked over. Monique recognized the look on his face. She'd seen it too many times on the faces of friends that had been dumped only to have their dumper come back and beg to be theirs again. However, a cheater is a cheater no matter how sincere they seem. She had to find a way to get him to leave her alone without causing a fight. Then an idea came to her. One of the things she had said during their fight…

"_Oh yeah? I have another boyfriend. He's older, more mature, and a WAY better kisser than you!"_

As much as Monique dreaded doing it, it beat losing her job by having a fight with an ex-boyfriend inside of the store. Besides, she could always claim that she was just trying to spread the Christmas spirit.

"What's a 'cog'? Is that some sort of-" he was cut off when she grabbed him by the front of his clearance aisle shirt and forced him into a passionate kiss.

A few seconds later, Monique heard the 'ding' that signaled someone leaving the store. Relieved to have avoided that problem, she let the man go and took a breath.

He seemed to be in a daze, eyes unfocused and swaying slightly. She was about to ask if he was okay when he reached into his pocket and pulled out a five dollar bill. Monique put it in the register and gave him the correct change. As he staggered out of the store, Monique yelled in cheerful tone, "Merry Christmas!".

She settled down a bit and started to rearrange the displays a little. Thinking about what she had just done, she smiled a little and made sure to make a mental note to herself.

'_NTS: Geeks are excellent kissers.'_

* * *

**Author's Notes:**

Yes, I know Monique is HORRIBLY OOC, but the plot bunny was trying to eat me. They don't go away, people! I had to write it. The plot bunny made me do it!

I would say who the guy is to the people that don't realize from the description, but then I might not get as many reviews. I don't mind the flames, I have a fire extinguisher right…huh, where'd it go?

For the very little Monique-speak I tried (and failed) to do, here are the translations: COG is Crazy Old Guy, NTS is Note to Self

Go ahead with the beating sticks. I deserve it. Again. This is just terrible. This is an example of the evil that befalls the world if you let the bunnies breed without proper control. I would appreciate a review, though.


	5. Dementor

"MYRON!"

The shout echoed throughout the large lair, which happened to be in the style of German castles of old. It kept echoing for several seconds before it was drowned out by someone's rushed footfalls. A lanky man with a thin goatee stumbled into the main room where the shout had originated from and tried to catch his breath.

"You…bellowed…Bil?"

"How many times must I tell you not to CALL ME ZAT!"

"But you _are_ my brother-in-law."

"I DO NOT CARE about ze lawful brother thing. You are MY MINION! Und MINIONS do not call me BIL!" Dementor said, clenching his fists in anger. "Anyvay, I did not call you here to discuss ze names by which you call me. I vas vondering…vere did mine angel vith ze fiery hair go? Did you make ze breakfast like I asked?"

"Oh…uh…there was something about a tournament and that you should…uh…call or something like that." Myron glanced at his brother-in-law/employer, and realized too late that he had just said the very worst thing possible.

"MYRON! You INCOMPETENT OAF! Did you AT LEAST give ze flowers vich I had gotten SPECIFICALLY for mine love?"

"Uh…oops. I thought those were for the dogs…" Myron said as he started to walk backwards out of the room. He managed to turn around, run, and get around the corner just in time to keep the laser fire from hitting him. After a few minutes of cowering while Dementor let his anger show, the laser fire eventually stopped and Myron felt safe enough to look around the corner. Dementor was standing there, a laser gun in one hand with the other stroking his goatee thoughtfully. Eventually, he put the weapon back in the holster and signaled for Myron to come over to him. Myron took several uneasy steps toward his brother-in-law, which turned into several swift leaps when Dementor started to frown.

"Zere is only one solution to this ATROCIOUS display of manners. I must go und apologize in person. You vill come with me-"

"Why do I have to go, Bil?" Myron whined.

"DO NOT INTERRUPT! You are just LUCKY you married mine little sister. Othervise I vould have BLASTED you into ze NEXT MILLINIUM by now!" Dementor screamed and pointed his finger menacingly at his thin minion. "Now, get ze hover craft ready and let us go to see mine rose."

After stopping to get the finest chocolates they could find and a large bouquet of roses, they continued their trip to visit Dementor's love. It took longer than Dementor had wanted due to Myron's desire to take a detour to visit the British Museum, but they eventually got to their destination.

Dementor used the back of Myron's helmet as a mirror to make sure that his teeth were clean and that his clothes were straight. He dusted his helmet off a bit and grabbed the chocolates and flowers out of their transport. A scowl at his minion gave the clear message that he should stay with their hover craft and not complain.

Dementor skipped up the walk to the main door, quite happy to see the lights on in the window. He knocked on the door hard to make sure that it would be heard and waited for it to be answered. Ten second later, the door opened and there stood the apple of Dementor's eye.

"I am so sorry about ze way zis morning vent. I have come to try to make ze amends." Dementor held out the chocolates and the roses. "By ze vay, zat skirt brings out ze vibrant color of ze eyes you have."

His love gave a small frown and replied, "How many times do I have ta say it? It's a KILT."

* * *

**Author's Notes:**

It's so cute! Even a group of funny stories needs a semi-serious one mixed in. Of course, I couldn't keep all of the silliness out. I just had to add that last bit as well as using Myron as a punching bag of sorts (he was just so silly in 'Larry's Birthday' that I couldn't help myself).

It was hard to do the anonymous bit for Ron's lesson, but this time it was easier since the person in question wasn't there.

Beat me with sticks for this since it's a bit more romantic than the others and not really wrong-sick. I'm working on something wrong-sick right now, but I was tackled by this plot bunny and had to get it done.


	6. Another Ron story

Looking himself over in the mirror, Ron had to admit that he looked good. The baby blue tuxedo fit him as well as it had fit his father when he got it for prom. The cumberbund and bow tie only added to the effect and he felt that it helped to accentuate his hair. He straightened his sleeves and sighed dreamily, thinking of the date that he had gotten. And all it took was to ask the most beautiful girl in the world's mother while he was volunteering at the hospital if she was free for a night and this night was quickly planned out.

"This is gonna be awesome," he said aloud. An alarm went off on his desk, a reminder of the time. The date was supposed to be at 6pm, and it was currently 5:40. Ron didn't want to be late and give a bad first impression, so he took a comb and brushed it through his hair once. He took one more look in the mirror and smirked.

"Ron, you are THE MAN!" he said to himself, winking and striking a pose. A chittering noise caught his attention and he turned around. When he saw what it was, he smiled and waved at his pet. Ron felt bad about having to leave him, but he was certain that this girl wouldn't be too happy about seeing the odd little guy on their first date. Also, he didn't want to get kicked out of the fancy restaurant that he had made reservations at. His entire month's allowance was going to be used for this. It was most definitely going to be worth it, though.

"Sorry, buddy, but I have to go it alone for tonight. I actually have a date. Can you believe it? A DATE! WHOO!" he yelled, pumping his fists into the air. He skipped his way merrily to the car that he was borrowing from his father, with a grounded-for-the-rest-of-your-life-if-you-break-it clause added on. Jumping in, his smile got even wider as he started the car and headed for her house.

In what seemed like no time at all, he was parking his car in front of her house. He took a deep breath as he got out, nervously straightening his bow tie as he walked up the sidewalk. A few houses down, he saw Tim and Jim chasing what he was certain were a couple of runaway rockets around the street. He gave a wave, and they waved back as they ran and yelled at him to be careful of catching cooties. Ron chuckled a little at the twins as he finally reached the door, sweating a little as his nerves started to get to him. Then, with a large, nervous gulp, he rang the doorbell.

Reality, which had been gnawing at the edge of his mind, finally managed to break through and smack him hard in the face. He had a date. Ron, the loser, the master of the lowest rung on the food chain, had actually gotten a date with a girl. A popular girl. A cheerleader. So he did the only thing that seemed reasonable at the time: Ron started to hyperventilate. And, of course, reality hating him the way it did, it decided to low blow him by having his date answer the door as he bent over to try to catch his breath.

He was standing there with sweat running down his face and squeaking from strained breathing in front of one of the most gorgeous creatures he had ever laid his eyes on. Her hair was styled in a ponytail in the back and the front was arranged as a cascading bang effect. The dress she had on was a beautiful shimmering black which hugged her figure. The beauty was marred a little, however, with her face twisted in a grimace of slight disgust. He figured it was because of the shoes; they looked horribly painful with the high heels and ankle straps that wove around her calf.

"Hey…wow…you're so…wow…" he kept muttering, unable to form a complete sentence. It didn't really help that he was drooling a bit, but he couldn't help himself.

"Uh…are you…okay?" she asked.

"Yeah. I'm just wondering if it hurt."

"If what hurt?"

"When you fell from heaven!" Ron said gleefully. "You're amazing. Ready to go, babe?" He held his arm out and gave her what he was sure was a winning smile.

There was that grimace again. Those shoes must really hurt.

"Sure…" she replied, slowly walking out. Ron put his arm on her shoulder and led her toward the car.

About ten minutes later, they arrived at Chez Couteaux. Ron ran to the other side of the car to open the door for her. She stepped out and took quick, nervous glances at everything around her. A few times on the way to the entrance, she jumped and took second looks at the people waiting in line, just to relax a second later. Probably afraid of being robbed.

They entered the establishment arm in reluctant arm and, thanks to his reservation made with a few favors, managed to get a table in five minutes. The couple was shown to a small table which just happened to be next to-

"Reger!?" a surprised voice from a certain redheaded cheerleader said.

"What are you doing here? Better not hit on KP…" the blonde sitting across from her added. "Whoa, dude, are you wearing my prom outfit?"

"I'm here on a date," Ron said, gesturing toward the girl next to him, "and this outfit is from my dad. Never been worn!" He stretched the bow tie slightly and grinned.

"…Bri? Is that you?" Kim asked as she looked at Ron Reger's date. "What are you doing here?"

"You know my mom, the endocrinologist, right? Ron," she sent a quick glance at her date, "asked her if I was busy this night and she thought it would be good to get some dating experience with a 'nice' boy."

"I volunteer to be a clown every once in a while," Reger threw in.

"You two know each other?" the blonde Ron asked Kim.

"Briana's training to become a cheerleader in her junior high," Kim explained. "I've been helping to train her. She's pretty talented."

"Any chance we can join you guys?" Briana asked in a strained voice. Probably just a bit nervous about it being her first date and all.

"Sure…" Kim said, giving Ron (her boyfriend) a small glance and a weak smile.

"Great! A double date!" Reger said as he pushed the tables close together. The candle on his table wobbled dangerously as the tables slammed together. "Now did I ever tell you guys about my pet snake, Reginald? He just finally ate his meal for the next few weeks, a mouse…"

Fifteen minutes later, Ron (the red head) was still talking.

"…and of course the robots will be able to do all of the chores that everyone else will. I mean, can you imagine it? It will be-"

"I'm sorry, but I have to go to the bathroom," Kim said, standing up and giving Reger a smile that could have been mistaken with a scowl.

"Same here," said Briana, practically jumping out of her seat.

"What about you, _Ron Stoppable_?" Kim managed to say through her teeth.

"Oh, I'm just fi- OW!" blonde Ron yelled and gave a glare at his pet, Rufus. Rufus was pointing toward the girls and chattering loudly. "Rufus, if you have to go, you can go." Stoppable looked at his girlfriend and realized that he was getting himself in hot water by saying no. "Er, I mean, of course I have to go!"

"Okay, you guys. I'll hold down the fort. I'll be like Hornberg was to Hidden Helm in 'Master of the Bracelet'," Reger replied as the two girls dragged Ron the blonde away.

Two hours later, they were still in the bathroom and Ronald Reger was starting to worry that maybe his breath had been too smelly.

* * *

**Author's Notes:**

This was a request story for an insert by Anabri. Of course, she asked for Ron. However, she didn't specify _which_ Ron. Hehehe. But I did clear it with her beforehand, so no soup for complainers!

I did some terrible things, didn't I? One, it's longer than others. Two, it has an insert. And three, I left poor Reger all alone. It's a sad thing to get the bathroom excuse used on you in order to ditch you. But lessons are learned, like remembering not to eat Limburger cheese with salsa before a date.

Same song and dance. You know the drill if you've read any of the other ones. With one exception: the only person with the right to hit me with a stick is Anabri.


	7. Joss

Joss was quite happy with her man. Sure, he was a complete geek with an obsession with sci-fi, er, science fiction, and he was a bit chubby, but he was absolutely adorable. Not to mention the fact that he was super intelligent.

She had never met his family and he had never met hers, but she was certain that they would all get along just fine. He had a lot of friends online and in real life. Now, however, he would have Joss and her family. Her boyfriend was planning on bringing his parents, but his father was always busy, so it was almost certain that it would only be his mother coming. They had already decided that they would all meet on her family's ranch in Montana. A nice, big family reunion was planned for the Possible clan and it would be the opportune time for him to meet everyone. To keep him from getting worried, though, she didn't tell him about it. Lucky for her, the black sheep cousin and his parents hadn't been told. From what she'd heard about them, they would have creeped everyone out.

The inside of their home had just finished being decorated when Joss heard a familiar voice calling for her father. She ran down the stairs to greet her favorite cousin and her family.

"Well howdy, pardners. Ain't ya a sight fer sore eyes," she said as she tackled her red-headed cousin, nearly knocking her to the ground, and gave her a big hug.

"Hi, Joss. Long time no see. How's everything going with you?" Kim asked.

"Just dandy. I managed ta wrangle a boy of my own. I reckon that y'all'll like 'im," Joss said happily. "He's saved my hide on a mission or two. He's the cutest lil' thang I've ever seen. It's a guaranteed win fer me."

"Oh really? When will we get to meet the lucky guy?"

"He should be showin' up any time," she replied excitedly.

Joss stayed by the door as different branches of the Possible family showed up. She'd never seen most of them before, and she was starting to get a bit worried about whether he beau had gotten lost on his way here or if he wasn't going to show up. Kim came and joined her by the door again and tried to cheer her younger cousin up.

"It's okay, Joss. I'm sure he just got lost."

"He shouldn't've. He's good with all them techno-dealies."

Then the front door opened and in stepped a short, techno-savvy chubby boy with his mother in tow.

"Wade?! You're dating my cousin? Spankin'!" Kim said with enthusiasm. She turned to give Wade a high five, but he just stood there giving her a confused look.

"Uh, Kim? I'm not dating Joss," Wade said, his eyebrow raised as he eyed Kim's hand.

"Say what?"

"I'm not dating Joss," Wade said again. "Your dad invited me. Said I was part of the family. Too bad Ron couldn't make it."

Kim rolled her eyes a bit. "That's what he gets for T-ing the jellyfish." As a couple of figures walk through the door, Kim turns to them while saying, "But wait…if you aren't her boyfriend, then who is?"

"Salutations, my dear Joss! …Cousin Kim, what are you doing in my girlfriend's abode?"

* * *

**Author's Notes:**

This was my 'revenge!' story on cpneb for his discussion involving me and fishnets. I okayed it with him, though, so once again, no soup for complainers!


	8. Drakken, Shego, and

"No."

"Please?"

"No!"

"Why not?"

"Because it's too weird!"

"But…but Shego-"

"But nothing! There is no way we are getting one!"

Drakken sighed, his shoulders slumping slightly as his girlfriend started to fume. He wanted it so badly…it would really help with the transition. Shego had only recently accepted him as a boyfriend, so he had broken up with his old girlfriend. It wasn't as hard for her as it was for him; she was just in it for the fun. But it was just so hard. Maybe if he begged?

"Shego…"

"What?" she snapped, turning to him with a deep scowl twisting her face. The expression quickly changed to a look of mild disbelief. "Oh no. Oh no, you aren't… Argh! You're seriously trying that? Have you ever seen yourself in the mirror making that face?"

"But Shego…" Drakken's puppy dog pout grew and was now joined by a quivering lip.

"No! I. Am. Not. Doing. That. No chance, no way, no how!" she growled, flames dancing at the tips of her fingers. "I'm not-"

"Well, you don't have to be involved. She doesn't mind. Neither do I," he continued begging, his eyes watering slightly as his entire jaw started to shake.

"You do realize that expression really isn't gonna work, right?" Shego said in a mostly normal tone. However, Drakken knew her well enough to hear the slightly strained note. She was close to cracking. Whether it would be giving in or blasting him across the room had yet to be seen. The violence was more likely, but he wasn't a mad scientist for nothing.

"Shego," he whimpered, putting his hands on her shoulders and pretty much forcing her to look him in the eyes, "this would mean _so_ much to me. It would help me to move on. So our own relationship can grow. Please?" He threw in one more lip quiver for good measure.

"Gah! All right," Shego sighed, giving in. "BUT," she said, sticking a flaming finger in Drakken's face to make sure she had his attention, "I am NOT gonna let you smear any of that stuff you use on me!"

"All right, dear," Drakken smirked. "So…I can get one? Really?"

"Yes," Shego sighed again. She then muttered under her breath, "I am SO gonna regret this later."

"Yippee! Oh, Shego, you're the best!" he yelled, picking her up and, with her very vocal protesting, began dancing.

"Stop it!" she screamed, "Or else you're goin' on the couch!" This brought Drakken back to his senses. He stopped and gave her a sheepish smile.

"Er…sorry."

"Whatever. Just grab one and let's go," Shego whispered as she started to rub her head in frustration. Still making gleeful noises, Drakken ignored the other customers that were staring at them and picked out one that reminded him of his old girlfriend. Smiling in triumph, he held the potato aloft and whooped.

"And no pictures, video, or mentioning of this to anyone!" she snarled under her as they walked to the hovercraft that they had parked in the handicapped section.

"Why Shego! What kind of person do you think I am?" he asked, his tone riddled with indignation.

"Do you _really_ want me to answer that one?"

"Oh be quiet, you sourpuss," Drakken grumbled. He then stuck out his tongue in a childish manner. There was no real malice behind it, though; after all, he was going to be the winner.

* * *

_Spudkengo?! I know! Blame kwebs, Samurai Crunchbird, Captain IT, and MaceEcam for this. They brought it up in chat AND dared me! The list of people you shouldn't leave alone keeps growing…_

_Also, thanks to absentialuci for taking a look before I posted. To make sure it was just wrong enough._


End file.
